Ranting...

I hate being a stepmom sometimes. Like, when Z is in trouble and I can't play with him or joke around with him. So yesterday I get home and he is sound asleep. J had a long talk with him and Z cried the entire time, according to J. So he slept from 4:30pm to 7pm when I woke up him to do his homework. I sat and helped him for the first half and J did the other half while I made dinner and ran a bath for Z. Z ate his dinner and took a quick (no toys) bath. He was grounded from everything. Basically, he slept, did his homework, ate, and went back to bed. Poor little guy apparently needed it, though, because he didn't argue and he was out like a light. I hate it so much because we won't get to have him spend the night again until NEXT Tuesday because this coming weekend is Mommy's weekend. Sadness.

This morning I woke him up and he said, "Did you have good night-nights?" I said, "Yes, did you?" But I was really thinking, "NO. I tossed and turned because I am NOT a side sleeper and my arms and shoulders HURT and my hands go numb. And of course I felt UBER GUILTY for not spending a lot of quality time with my family since Z was asleep and J was napping or doing homework down the street." :: sigh :: I don't mean to sound cranky because I'm not... it just really sucks when I have to be a "mean" step-parent.

On to other topics...

Yesterday I was excited to go to my doctor's appointment because I knew I'd get to have an ultrasound and get measured to see if I'm still measuring big. Well, the u/s went as I expected: very grainy, unable to tell gender, but she left my table up a little so I could see the actual u/s screen. I was SO excited!! I've never seen anything but ceiling tiles during ultrasounds and then am handed a creepy picture of some alien-looking thing that is supposedly growing in side of me. It was SO awesome to watch the u/s!! J was pointing things out on the screen for me and I was impressed by his knowledge. He said, "Well, honey, this isn't my first time around the block..." I just rolled my eyes cause it's MINE. So we got to see behbeh sticking its finger in its ear, making sucking motions with its lips, and just chillin'. Well, some kicks and punches too. Baby is very active and healthy. We got to see the face (only a grainy 2D, so nothing detailed) and a profile shot.

I am 25 weeks but am measuring 30 weeks (GASP!!) because of my pre-pregnancy pooch. Never in my life would I have though I'd be so happy to be able to pinch an extra inch of fat on my tummy. :) So I chose another location (different from my 18 week experience) and they got me in on Thursday! So tomorrow morning I get to find out the gender! And YES, I WILL find out! I will stay there for hours if I have to. This is my FOURTH u/s and dammit, I'm gonna find out what I'm having!

Speaking of u/s... I am waiting to hear back why my insurance DENIED my 18 week u/s when they state in my benefits that they cover one pre-natal u/s during weeks 16-22. My first was at 8 weeks and it was covered because I had spotting. The 18 week is being denied for two reasons: it was 3 weeks after my doctor appt (the soonest Radiology could get me in, mind you), and the coding was for an inpatient visit instead of outpatient. WTH?! So... I called and asked them to please have someone review this for payment because I was entitled to my u/s. I called last Tuesday. I checked yesterday and it was "still in review." UGH. I hate insurance. If I was on Medicaid, I would never be hassled for ANYthing. And I pay my damn premiums every month and my co-pays, deductibles, etc. It just isn't fair. J and I joked once that we should get divorced but still live in the same house and he would pay me "child support", so I can get Medicaid and not have to pay for my child being delivered, get food stamps and welfare, and get vouchers for childcare and go to college for free. Now, I know some mothers out there really do need help. But I work in the healthcare system and I see a lot of people taking advantage of the system. 90% of the people with Medicaid that I saw while I was working in family medicine (thankfully, I got out of that clinic!!) drove nicer cars than me, were able to work despite their claims of disability (patients getting up and dancing.. yes, DANCING.. in the waiting room and joking around), had nicer clothes and jewelry than I could EVER afford, and got everything handed to them for FREE. They were the rudest, most unappreciative patients I've ever met and it made me VERY bitter. Demanding isn't even able to BEGIN to describe them. But, like I said, there were a few (VERY few, mind you) patients who really did need the help and I would bend over backwards to help them out in any way I could. I just feel very frustrated that I work so hard to pay my bills, do everything the "right" way, and every year my insurance rates go up, so I bring home less money to my family, and I get a bill in the mail from the hospital saying I need to pay $275 for an ultrasound to make sure my baby is growing and developing normally. And when I deliver my child, I will be in the hospital for at least one day. That's assuming I have the baby vaginally and don't have any complications. That visit will cost me a $200 copay, and I have a $500 deductible, then I pay 20% of the remaining bill up to an out-of-pocket maximum of $1000 (that original $200 is NOT included in the $1000 out of pocket expense). Do I have an extra $1000 laying around? Of course not. So what am I to do? I could pay $25 a month for over 3 years. I chose instead to do a Medical Flexible Spending Account. That will save my life. Money is taken out of every paycheck and put into this account. I am doing $1000 for the year. The cool thing is that I can even use it on contacts, contact solution, my hubby's GI meds, etc. So I'll be able to cover most of the delivery using that. The 18 week u/s was in December so I can't use my FSA anyway.



Um... once behbeh is born my cousin wants to watch it because she's incredible with kids and she can't have her own. She's in her late 30s and I love her to pieces. I'm just afraid of what she may charge... I hope she's inexpensive. I know she'll be exceptional and I don't worry about a thing with her. I asked her and her hubby to be the Godparents. And I didn't mean that in a religious aspect... but if something ever happened to J and me, I'd want Tracy and Randy (my cousin and her hubby) to get custody of our kid(s). She has taken care of her neighbor's two kids and raised them and now takes them to and from school. I haven't talked to her in a month or two, so I guess I need to make sure she's still interested!!

I'm having lots of heartburn today. I have a thing of Tums sitting on my desk. I feel old.

And my bladder is quite active lately. I waddle to the bathroom tons of times a day. You know, I wondered what made women waddle. Now I know. It's not that you've got a big belly, it's that your hips EFFIN HURT when you get up and move! At least that's MY problem. I feel like my hips and joints are ripping apart at the seams and if I don't waddle, then everything will collapse and I'm left hurting like hell! Why am I using so many !!!! ?

Ugh. I seem bitchy in this post, but I am actually in a fairly decent mood. Tonight I will see Z for a few mins before his Mom gets him, then J goes to class at 6...so I'll have the house to myself from 6 to 7:30. woo hoo! I'll prolly balance the checkbook. Fun stuff. Oooh...and watch American Idol. heh.

Saturday I get to go to a baby shower where I know only the mommy-to-be. I will prolly go just because I'd like her company at MY shower. IF I have one. I'd like to think someone will want to give me one, but I can't be sure. Guess it's kind of bold to assume lots of people will be standing in line just to give you presents. That'd be cool, though.