Ugh. I am going to talk about something that really bothers me and embarasses me. I am going to reveal some very innermost thoughts and fears, and I am not asking for anyone to say "Oh, you aren't (insert adjective)!!" I just have to get a couple things off my chest. Literally.
I am obsessed with my weight because it's something I don't like. I started out skinny and was nicknamed "bean pole" by my Dad as a kid because I was S K I N N Y. Not grossly skinny but I was thin. All through high school and even into college I was thin but curvy. Did I realize I was thin? No. I thought I was fat, like most teenage girls.
In college I began jogging. It was my stress reliever. Then I began dating a guy who was VERY unathletic and actually kind of snobbish and prissy. I gained weight, as we ate out every night (he bought) and I couldn't turn down a free meal because I was POOR. So life from then on I have spent overweight.
I am a size 18. I weigh more than my husband. Might as well say what I weigh because well, it's just a number. I am around 210 lbs. That's a LOT for a 5'4" person to weigh. I have VERY large boobs and I hate them. Hate them a L O T. I don't understand why women pay to have extraordinarily large boobs implanted so they can't wear normal clothes. I have to go to Lane Bryant and SEARCH for the right size bra. My boobs make it very difficult to workout because I have to wear 2 - sometimes 3- sports bras. I was a 36C when I was skinny and a size 3. So you can imagine what I wear now. It's embarassing when people comment on them. It's not okay to say to someone, "Wow, you're FAT!" so why is it okay to say, "Wow, your boobs are HUGE!!" ? I often wear baggy clothes so people don't notice them as much but that makes me look even fatter. So I get more form fitted clothes and I notice people (men AND women) staring at my chest. I often cross my arms so you can't look right at them. I obsess about being overweight.
So a neighbor and I have been going walking in the evenings. We try to go 3 times a week but we both have babies (mine is 4 months, hers is 8 months) and it's hard to get someone to watch them while we walk. It's been too hot to take them with us. Now that it's cooling down to a mere 95 degrees in the evenings, the mosquitos are eating us alive. So we still can't take babies with us. You can't use bug repellant on babies and dryer sheets just don't work down here in the South where mosquitos are as big as Bayley's head. I have decided to try mosquito netting over the jogging strollers so now I have to find some.
Anyway, back on subject.
I was talking to one of our computer people here at work and she walked a marathon in less than 8 hours. She's not a skinny person, either. I immediately looked up the information and decided that it's two weeks before Bayley's 1st birthday and I want to do it for her. I don't want her growing up knowing her mother to have a weight problem. So my neighbor and I have discussed doing this half-marathon (part walking, part jogging) in March. March around here is pretty chilly so it will be a nice walking temperature.
People always say that when you lose weight it goes first from your boobs. I can only pray that that's accurate. I want to wear cute clothes again and shop at Old Navy and Target and wherever. I'm tired of being tired of being fat.
So the past month or so I've been making small changes. I try to snack less. I find myself doing it at night. So instead I drink a SlimFast shake or a BIG thing of water. I am watching calories at lunch. I drink SlimFast for breakfast. Think I should buy stock in SlimFast? Ugh.
Anyway... my goal is to lose the boobs. And the extra weight. I want to be relatively thin again and be able to jog again. I guess I'll finally take a full body photo of myself so I can publicly humiliate, er... motivate myself into getting to my goal. Anyone got any tips for getting myself back into shape while working full time, taking care of my precious behbeh, running the household while my hubs works full time and goes to school full time, and keeping up with my stepson when we have him? I know it can be done and dangit, I'm gonna!!
The motivation is no longer lacking...now the availability is. So I need creative solutions, people. For when I can't go outside with Bayley. I have some videos and we have a weight machine thingie I can use in the garage. (Just need to dust it off.) No treadmill, as my Dad borrowed mine, burned up the motor then bought himself a new one. Maybe I'll ask for one again, much to hubby's chagrin. :)
Okay. Pic tomorrow. Really.
12 comments:
http://phatsophotos.blogspot.com/
Shannon set up this blog and it seems to really help and motivate people. You should talk to her about it. The girls on there are helpful and give you the push when you need it and they don't let you make excuses.
I am proud of you. I think this is the first step and with motivation and determination, anything is possible.
I am currently trying to lose weight too. I have been super strict with my diet lately (I am eating lots of beans and soup), and going for a nightly walk with the kids. I guess I am the negligent mommy, because I take my babies out in 95 degree weather, with the mosquitoes biting. Oops. But mama needs to get in shape, and this is the only way it is going to happen.
Dude, the walking thing is probably the best thing you could possibly do- in my opinion. That's exactly how I got back into shape after having Cole. I think the most important thing to remember is that it takes time. I couldn't work out the first three months after having Cole- I tried, but I was just too tired. Once I COULD start working out I tried to do it (walking, mostly) as often as possible (3-5 times a week) and watched what I ate of course. It took MONTHS, but eventually I saw results and now I am probably in better shape than I was when I was thinner (pre-baby). I think you are on the right track- and a treadmill couldn't hurt! I use mine a few times a week- I just stick Cole in the high chair in front of me and he watches. Wow.. this is long. XOXO
so i never do meme's but i did a meme and i tagged you. and since i never do them you have to do it mmkay!
okay first of all. who the fuck is the fat girl you keep talking about? i keep looking and all i see is a mom who looks like she just had a baby but thats about it. honey, the weight will come off soon and then you'll be like uggggg i wish all these men would stop checking me out it's such a fucking pain!
also. no slim fast babe. get some odwalla bars, yogurt, apples, peanut butter or soy nut butter, hard boiled eggs, sour dough bread and canola mayo. you can make magic with it all!
I gained 80 pounds when I was prego and I lost it through running. I set the same goal, I trained for a half marathon. I like to set goals and break them so to make sure that I didn't break it I told everyone and their mom about it. I may break goals but I don't like to appear as a failure. The hard work was SO worth it. I bawled crossing the finish line.
Also, I am a huge snacker (which it doesn't sound like you are). I bought an air popper and make air popped popcorn, filling and delicious. Sugar free eskimo pies are also awesome. They help keep me from eating out of the ice cream carton with a spoon (ice cream scoop).
Your welcome for the novel.
if you can't walk, but still want to do something, you can put on some music and dance around with the baby ... you also can get some cans (of soup or beans or whatever you have on hand) and use them as dumbbells to do some arm toning. Every little bit helps -- even vacuuming!
Girl, be patient, your hard work will have results. I think having a goal like the half marathon is a great idea. Walking is the best. Something that you can do with friends and it is easy!
Good for you! You sound super motivated and you'll be successful, I know it. Congrats on your decision!! :)
See even Steph told you to come join our blog! I'm telling you you will love it! I too had ginormous boobies and unfortunately they haven't gone away. Funny I didn't want to lose my boobs, but my boobs weren't as big as it sounds like yours are so I can imagine you wanting to lose some boobie! I lost a little in my boobs, but they are still pretty big relative to my size...probably how you were when you were a 36C and thin.
You are going to rock that marathon! so proud of you!
You can do it.
I relate to a lot of what you said. You sound determined and the weight will come off. Just give yourself time. I too want to exercise for my daughter, I want her to have a role model of what a healthy mom looks like. I don't want to be skinny (okay maybe a little) just healthy.
Good for you. I think telling people your goal will help because you know we are all going to ask you how the half marathon went come March, so now you have to do it.
Lots of luck.
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