Apparently I care too much and am too involved in my stepson's life. I want him to grow up responsible, affectionate, and sweet. He is going to be 6 in June and I know what a wonderful kid he is. But he's learning different standards for behavior at our house, at school, his mother's house, and everywhere else. I do not like this. At all. I know kids learn boundaries early. And they push them as far as they can. This is normal. But when his teacher starts calling us because he's acting out at school, I get frustrated.
I had this long blog typed out about what happened on Friday, but decided against it. My blogs are too long as it is. So, in summation: he got a bad note on Friday for misbehaving repeatedly in class and PE, lied to Joe about said bad note, backtalked to us about getting a spanking, and stole some stuff from his teacher (she didn't know this...but I'm sure she will this morning when he returns it). The thievery was the second of the week.
We had him Friday night and he got into trouble. Saturday AM L picked him up and told him he needed to clean his room. She gives him an ENTIRE DAY to clean it. What 5 year old is going to NOT watch tv in his room and actually clean it? Not this one. So she added 2 days of grounding him from his tv because he didn't finish cleaning his room. She said she felt he had learned his lesson because he "wasted his whole weekend" on his room. Whatever. She has done this with him before. Joe and I give him 5-10 mins to get his room cleaned. Now it doesn't even take that. It's "clean your room" and it's done immediately and quickly. No hassle. What goes on at her house shouldn't be of my concern, but when he starts acting out at school because he thinks he'll be going to her house that afternoon... it DOES concern me. I guess I care too much.
Maybe when Bayley is born, I'll just let go and let L and Joe deal with Z because I'll have my hands full with Bayley. It's just hard for me because Z is the only child right now and he has 3 parents. One of which who doesn't know what the #$%^ she's doing. But that's just my opinion.
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5 comments:
Sounds like maybe the grownups need to get together and have a meeting to discuss this and then have a meeting with all four of you- (you, your husband, Z, and his mom) to discuss behavior and how it will be handled. That way you can all be on the same page and he knows it...
That's just my suggestion. Not that I really have any fricken clue what I am talking about.. Heh. : )
Sadly, we've done that. L just is considerably softer on him than we are. I guess it's a mom thing. I'm sure I'll be too soft on Bayley too when she's here.
Dicey situation, but you are not alone. I have heard plenty of stories about people going through the same thing...hopefully over time things get better. I don't have any suggestions, sorry!
This has got to be such a hard situation. I have kiddos at my school where like you, the step parent is doing a much better job and is more involved than the real parent. That is what is frustrating to me as a teacher...here is this person who is stepping up to deal with someone elses child...for that I completely commend you!
Hopefully this works out for you in the end and you are able to get it all taken care of!
That sounds very hard. I'm not a step-parent, but Scott is. And Eliza is a great girl. Not just because I say so! But I know from having my kids that you cannot make a kid stay on task for an entire day. It is developmentally NOT even possible for them at that age. Maybe L does not understand this. That's why even time-outs are very short. They just don't have the brain capacity to think about something for a very long amount of time. Anyway, I am rambling. It sounds like L is frustrated, angry, and not helping him understand what he needs to do. Parenting out of anger never works. It is harmful for both parent and child. I'm glad you are in Z's life.
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